I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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