i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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