Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize