Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize