I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
