I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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