how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
