he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
