I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
