Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
you had me at cake vodka
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
