Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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