we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
