i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
now i know why i became what i already was.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
