Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
