even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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