it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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