The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize