Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Can you bring me the toilet please
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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