you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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