uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
