I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
