I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
