"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
