You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
