We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
