You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
