I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
