OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
