My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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