I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
