he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
