I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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