I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
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