Moan for me like Helen Keller
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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