You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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