maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
