Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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