you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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