Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
