I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
