life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize