We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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