how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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