I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
