he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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