I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
