i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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