If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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