dude i'm inner monologue high
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
