sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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