another moral hangover. fuck.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
