Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
