We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
