We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
