I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
