its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
