Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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