I'm so fucking centered right now
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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