I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
