Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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