she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
