Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Can I color on your dick again?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
