About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You were trust falling into bushes
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
