I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
