only you would photoshop your dick
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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