Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
