Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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