you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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