But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
